(Warning: this post is long and will include faith. Proceed with extreme criticism, and please call me out if I said something contrary to God’s word. :D)
I’ve never seen her that mad over something I didn’t think she’d thought was so important.
“You wore a ponytail to church- I just, do you even know what Mrs. D thought of you?? You’re just like the Z boys- you’re so unkempt and dirty and you’re so untidy- is this the kind of person I thought you people are?? And then you just HAD to go and bang the door didn’t you- just like you just HAD to forget that you’re a lady, you should look good- and you never listen to me on how to do things the proper way!!”
With everything in me…. OUCH.
That’s an understatement- I was devastated.
If it was anyone else, I couldn’t have cared less. But this was from someone really close and really special to me- someone I thought saw more than skin and hair.
Also, for the record, I had no clue the door would sound that loud. Honest mistake.
For the first time in a long time, I really felt my imperfection. And not just that it was there. But that it was horrible, disgraceful, and almost bordering on ungodliness.
We get posts saying how the media pressures us- especially girls, but honestly it does pressure guys too- to be perfect. But what if you’re in the rare minority that doesn’t care about the media?
What if it’s a PERSON that’s telling you how imperfect and wrong you were- and what if it’s someone you love and thought completely accepted you?
That’s what I wanna talk about today. Because it can and will make you doubt everything about you- especially your worth.
Does perfection = worth?
Even though I kinda pride myself (in a weird, messed up way :P) on being the weird messed up dork with crooked teeth and skewed glasses, for a long time I’ve felt unworthy because I didn’t want to be pressured into being perfect. And because people have always tried to make me what they think is perfect.
“Curl your hair, it” “You’re so skinny- wow!” “do you honestly eat so much?” “You’re really pretty when you smile. You should smile more.”
But I’ve always known that that isn’t ME.
I have straight hair, and I also have SCHOOL. I could not care less about having curls- I WANT GRADES! My metabolism’s fast, I’m an athlete, of course I need to eat a little more. And sometimes I CAN’T smile. Sometimes I wanna yell. Or frown. Sometimes I want to let myself feel an emotion that isn’t happiness. So if I really took it upon myself to take their kindly offered suggestions 24/7 (aka, the only right way to take said advice…)
I’d be lying. That’s not who I am. (Not bashing y’all people who dabble in makeup and hairstyling and whatnot- like that’s AWESOME and that’s you and good for you!) That just isn’t me.
And… y’know, when people figure out I’m not that kind of person, they just…
They just look at me differently.
Or worse, they say the kinds of things in the introductory paragraph.
I guess that’s why I’ve HATED being in pictures. I’ve hated having to talk to people. I’ve hated having to smile, I’ve hated that people think I should play the game of perfection. So because I would die if I tried, and I’m #stubborn, and because somewhat like Peggy Carter, I’m trying to know my worth, I don’t. Let’s not even mention the non-looks flaws I have, starting with I’m too curious for my own good, I don’t wanna talk to people when I can write about them, and I’m hopelessly clumsy. Apparently, that’s just as bad as wearing a ponytail to church. And the comments get to me, even though I’ve tried my hardest not to care.
But starting last year, I’ve finally gotten to find my style. Aesthetic. Whatever. XD I’ve gotten comfortable in pictures. I’ve finally felt comfortable in my own skin.
Only to have that yelled at me.
Where and how does one conduct oneself after that?
Ultimately, I think it’s important to be reminded that… 1. no ONE person on this earth has the only true standard of worth.
And, uh, according to His rules, um, NOBODY’S PERFECT. Because God doesn’t look at perfectly styled hair, or the best right kick, or biceps, or a small waist (not that any of these are bad)- he looks at the heart.
You can have all the looks, have all the skills, have all the grace and poise, but in God’s eyes, you’re a sinner (and if you’re a Christian) saved by grace. And He loves you whether or not you’re perfect.
Maybe repeat the last line again?
2. You do not need to look perfect to be loved by God.
You do not need to have perfect talent, skill, or ability to juggle peeled mangoes with one arm to be worthy of anything.
You do not need to be perfect.
Christ did not die for the perfect of this world. Because there is no one perfect. He died for everyone.
He died for you.
John 3:16 New International Version (NIV) For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Also, 3. God designed each of us and we are His masterpiece.
Ephesians 2:10 10 we are
Psalm 139:13-14 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Every year, hundreds of people eagerly await for the unveiling of a new American Girl Doll- new look, new personality, new face mold. But the thing is God makes all of those with each new person that comes into the world- on a daily basis. Not just once a year. Everyone is unique, and special, and loved.
Am I trying to excuse people who dress sloppily, or are klutzes (klutzy? Klutse? I can’t type words)) to the point it becomes dangerous? No. Am I saying that people should stop trying to improve their looks? No. Am I trying to say that I’m fine and don’t need to look good sometimes? No. What I’m saying is, sometimes people worry too much about looks of themselves and other people, that they end up hurting people with their words.
And for the people who were hurt, this is for you. I only wish I could word this better.