So Far…

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School’s been very mean to me. It drones on and on and on anon and then suddenly, “please prepare for a test on section 4A.” Woah, where did that one come from?

To be honest, I’ve paid way more attention to news on A4– Avengers 4, that is… and…

The.

Trailer.

Is.

Out.

Today.

People.

*mind explodes* I’ve been watching it for at least the sixth time today and I have too many theories that will probably kill me.

I’ve also been waiting for anything on Album 66: Trial By Fire and my head hurts with all the possibilities of 1. Skint kidnapping Buck, 2. Buck being adopted, 3. a literal fire. Also, we do need to ask the question WHEN WILL JILLIAN DIE?

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Life’s been hard. There’s been so much tension and tiredness and homework and questions and times when I need. to. get. out and anxiety about the future and frustration and perpetually gritted teeth and always having to push yourself harder and harder even when nobody could care less or has to and screaming and fighting and praying and dying and I just need some peace today and tomorrow and for every second Sunday in May and it’s so hard to believe God is good even when He is and we’re out of bread and I gotta finish and I can’t remember the dratted reference and I’m okay with giving up right now.

Don’t we all? Something tells me I’m not the only one who’s had one or all of the above and much worse. And then I gotta re-learn how to trust again. I gotta re-learn that God is good and He is love and He won’t leave when the guns growl, which is handy because right now I’m afraid I’m short of ammo. So if you want to swap prayer requests, let me know.

And nobody wants to admit that. Nobody wants to admit they’re a quitter. Everyone wants to be the tough hero who gets the job done no matter what the cost. I really want that. I want to prove ’em wrong and wrong and so wrong… even when they’re right.

I guess I’m learning that burden was never mine to carry. That it was God’s all along.

Maybe some things shouldn’t be posted. I know I hate that long post that just lines on about how hard and sad life is, yet here I am writing one just like that. Why am I doing this?

If reading this can help someone, anyone, then it’s worth writing this drek down.

So yeah, that’s where I’m at.

I’m staying up ridiculously late to reads books and waking up ridiculously early to write them. I’m skating backward and falling forward and laughing. And mailing a letter or two.

Oh, and I got up at the crack of dawn for a lousy rendition of We Three Kings, so if you’re interested in notsogood and notsobad music, here you go.

Been wandering around taking random pictures, snapped this lovely one (ha!) and I guess I’ll leave it here.

It’s not Instagram worthy.

It’s not Pinterest worthy.

Good grief that mirror isn’t even the cleanest!

Well, it’s life. The less people feel pressured to display a perfect life on the screen and actually live, the better. The far, far better. And I know I’ve been tempted to do that. To show this aesthetic rose tinted life that’s full of roses and daisies and is just so Chikfila sweet tea wonderful. But it’s not.

That doesn’t mean my life isn’t wonderful. Or that God isn’t working in it. Because He is. More glory to Him, and less to me. I’m 110% okay with that.

Until next time.

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Scribble Scrabble: Snippets, Observations, And A Carol

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Monday. Dreadful, dreadful day. If Saturday brings out the best in us, Monday brings the worst.

Yet today wasn’t all that bad. If you don’t count the dreary sky, aching everything, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife, and *gasp* participles. In all seriousness though, I’m grateful for the day.

One, National Bible Bee Competition (Or Nats for short) started today. It’s unbelievably encouraging to see so many kids come out and own God’s Word and proclaim it, and I’m shook, to understate, to count myself one of the many who joined the Summer Study. Shook, grateful, blessed, have at the thesaurus.

Two, I managed to get out another carol (yes, I’m sorry for buggin’ y’all it’s just really fun to play these hymns! Even if my renditions are horrible XD) O Come, O Come Emmanuel brings yet hope for me, hope and a promise.

(Also, shoutout if you want to hear a specific song! I’ll do my best not to mess it up. ๐Ÿ™‚ )
Hymn Print O Come O Come Emmanuel by LamplightsPrints on Etsy, $14.00

Three, snippets.

But no context so you all can suffer. ๐Ÿ˜‰

She’s alone for Christmas, and somehow it hurts more and more every year.

But come now, in the deep bustle in New York City, you’d think a few more people would be flying the day solo. Right?

_Not a soul_, Andrea Marti thought bitterly as she looked around her, hand clutched on skateboard as she crossed the street. There was a couple walking in front of her, more like they were slow dancing to some music only they could hear, a guy eagerly holding his small- daughter, it had to be, she was so tiny, an old wrinkled man and an old wrinkled lady, laughing as they looked around at the gently falling snow. And some pigeon was nestled against a dog.

A pigeon had a dog.

A pigeon.

Writing seems to help a lot with the craziness of life, and Just Come Home is almost done.

Almost.

I’m a mess of a writer.

But here’s a snippet from that too. ๐Ÿ˜›

โ€œLittle annoying brat-how dare she say that about Mom the way she did..โ€ Zeke muttered my thoughts, handing me a water bottle. He was being unusually kind and helpful, which meant I was in worse than I thought I was. He was the one who got Mom to check on me, apparently I was thrashing in my sleep or something. I donโ€™t really wanna talk about it. But it was bad enough to let me stay home from school indefinitely. And I should know, my head was throbbing.

And to think I wanted to publish this mess of a story. *sighs* it’s my mess however- so at least there’s that small comfort.

And besides my thoughts, well, that’s it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Oh, no. you don’t want to know about my thoughts. That’s even more of a mess. Like how sometimes I feel bad for praying the same thing over and over but I know I mean it and it’s hard to understand that God doesn’t tire of me babbling the same thing; like how hope is something everyone wants but nobody quite knows how to get; like how heroes, even fictional ones, mean the world to us because if we’re honest we want to be the heroes; like how the mind can be quickly swayed by what’s around it; like how there should be an episode where Connie plans Trent and Mandy’s wedding cause how awesome would that be; like how the future seems super uncertain and trust is shaky; like how in the world is this month over already; like how am I gonna handle school and life; like why can’t I think straight for once.

I think I’ll leave you to you own thoughts now- I’ve bombarded you with words long enough. ๐Ÿ™‚