Right Where You Are

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Ever heard of the movie Moana? Sea princess movie, follows her heart, sails the ocean, saves her people, doesn’t fall in love with a guy, has a telekinetic thing with water? I don’t agree with much of what Moana does, but I do sympathize with her on one thing.

I want to see more than the horizon I’m looking at. I want to sail that sea.

For the longest time, I have wished (and still wish) that I was anything other than who I am right now. It seemed that I was born into the most opportunity lacking situation possible.

I’m Canadian, and everything I wanted to join was on the other side of the border. The Get In The Show contest AIO had? Nada. Bible Bee? I’m immediately eliminated. That Christian atmosphere? Not here. Let’s not forget I’m Filipino- Canadian. Which makes it a little hard when people expect you to have an accent and be fluent in Tagalog because you have slightly chinky eyes. Slightly. I don’t even notice it.

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Now we get chestnuts.. I won’t shriek, I won’t shriek, I won’t shriek..

I’m homeschooled. Which means I learn at home and wherever. But for some reason, I’m not in a co-op. I don’t get any extra curriculars other than what I make for myself. There’s no sports, no summer camps, no cool things I learn if I don’t learn it myself. Sometimes it’s hard to constantly be the one to push yourself, and alone.

Unlike the cool stereotype, I don’t live in the country, in some awesome rural area with tiny dirt roads and deer and that small town farm life thing. No. I live somewhat in the city and somewhat not. Where people get hurt or worse almost every day, you need a permit to breathe, you have to watch your back walking down the street, and it’s.. just…eh. No place is completely safe, but where I am ranks a lil low down the list.

And…. I’m a pastor’s kid. People scrutinize you like a Marvel trailer. They dissect everything you do, and if you seem to mess up, bam, you’re outta the frying pan and into the fire. You’re supposed to be the example, and well, I’m not. Heh.

I didn’t like it. I wanted anything other than this. I wanted to have the choice to take awesome cool stuff, to have other homeschoolers to study with, to not be considered weird for liking a Bible passage other than John 3:16, to live in a place where people know you by name.

I kinda wanted to follow my heart. Heh.

But God’s changing my heart.

And I guess I realized something: God did not make a mistake when He put me where I am, who I am, and what I love to do.

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I knew that, duh. But it kinda came real last night, when I was practicing The Huron Carol (thanks Meredith for the suggestion!) I wanted to search up the history behind the carol, and I was surprised. I knew it was Canadian, yeah, but I didn’t know how it was sung in the Wendat (I think I spelled it right?) language, or that the French wrote it first, or that it’s Canada’s oldest carol. Or that Canada had a carol.

Was it possible I was too busy not liking how my country is that I didn’t see the beauties of it?

It kinda made me think.

There’s a reason why I’m here.

I don’t know what God wants for me. Yet. But I do know He has a plan for me. I know that He’s growing me to be the person He wants me to be. He’s picked the right greenhouse. I don’t know why I am at this specific latitude and longitude and I don’t know why I have to do a lot of things alone. I don’t know why I stick out like a sore thumb, or just don’t really fit in.  But God does.

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I don’t even know how I jumped from a carol to this whole life thing. XD

But while I’m here.. I know there’s more I haven’t realized. And I’m learning that there’s so many blessings in this situation I haven’t realized because I’ve been too busy looking for blessings elsewhere. That what I considered disadvantages are advantages in their own way. I’m never gonna stop dreaming for y’know, more. But I’m not gonna sulk cause I don’t have it yet.

So that part, “you can find happiness right where you are?”

I’ve found better.

I’m finding joy.

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Um, quick quick announcement.

What you are about to hear is WAY different from what I used to put up.

Honestly, after making this, I’m kinda ashamed I even made the others. XD I like to think it’s better, but by all means draw your own conclusions.

Thanks a million squared to my brother Joseph for helping me make this! I know I’ve said you were driving me crazy and that the sentiment is mutual, but seriously, you’re awesome! Thank you, thank you, thank you! This whole thing would never have happened without you, and thank you so much! (Y’all, if you like hard rocky stuff, you can find his works at eaglewingsandguitarstrings and I am sorry this sounds like an ad. :P)

But. Ahem. Here ya go. 🙂

Happy Friday people.

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