It Isn’t The End (Never Is, I’m Just Being Dramatic Per Norm)

 

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This is where we’re at, people.

Mondays are hard, math is brutal, and people can be jerks.

It’s not even Monday anymore. smh

Today is just one of those days that you want to end as quickly as possible. Work has gotten 10 times stressful, the people who I’m supposed to be collaborating with ended up dominating  what we were doing and now I’m just another go-get-this and go-do-that. School is crushing- even more so when people demand things that just can’t be met. I have zero time to write, it’s increasingly hard to be with people simply because they don’t really.. I don’t know, recognize that I have feelings? It’s hard. Send me coffee. XD Oh, and don’t forget to add that the fleshly part of me is a horrifying monster that I swear, I wish I could kick out of existence and burn. to. ash. I’m with Paul on this one. I do exactly what I don’t want to do and I don’t do what I want to do.

I’m not looking forward to anything right now. There’s no tangible or intangible prize I can think of for sticking out another day (i.e. this day).

So why on earth am I writing this post?

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Why do I feel the need to reveal that it’s a terrible, horrible, no good day and I’m feeling about as energetic as Eeyore and I’m kinda broken right bout now? Why do I bother writing a personal post that I’m not sure even I would enjoy reading? Why am I being so petty and writing who knows how many words of drek about bad days like it’s something so bad and hidden when it’s common knowledge that some days are good and every other day is.. bad times a hundred?

I  don’t know.

I joked to my mom a day or two ago when she was questioning my all-black wardrobe  that it matched the color of my soul. Which, now that I look back on it, seems accurate right now. Life seems a little darker, not enough to grab a flashlight, but not light enough to feel safe either.

Seems.

Hang on while I grab a Nutella sandwich so we can talk about this some more, because I have to believe I’m not the only one out there. Surely there’s someone somewhere and this is where they’re at. Maybe it’s you.
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It isn’t the end.

I’ll say that again, not because you have bad eyes, but because I need this hammered into my numbskull of a brain.

It. is. not. the. end.

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Sure, maybe it looks like whatever rut you fell into, you can’t climb out and maybe it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, and maybe it’s too much for you and it’s hard and you want to give up.

But it isn’t too much for God.

Nothing is. Nothing.

So give up. XD

Yes, give it up. Give it up to God, because we were not meant to face the darkness alone. Probably the first thing I’ll say, no matter how preachy it sounds, because it’s true.

Tomorrow is not quite the same as today. The Maker of days has all of yours planned out, and you can trust them into His hands.

Sometimes what you need is to get back into the Word. Read a Psalm. Memorize something. Listen to a praise and worship song. It’s not a wish-and-problem-gone, granted, but you can never go wrong when you draw near to God and His Word.

“Hope is not some vague emotion that comes out of nowhere, like a stomachache. Hope is the confidence that the stupendous future promised to us by the word of the Spirit is going to really come true. ” -John Piper

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While we’re at it, laughter is a literal lifeline, lifesaver, and it’s beautiful. Use often. XD It’s easier to see things on the bright side when you forget that things aren’t for just a little while- when you look at the lighter stuff. And trust me- laughter is contagious and everyone should be infected, in my opinion.

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As previously stated, you. were. not. meant. to. be. alone. kay. The hardest thing about feeling down is that sometimes nobody could care less.

In that case, please know that there’s always someone. God, a cousin, a sibling- sometimes you have to reach out and take a change. Sometimes you’ll be hurt. But please know that no matter what, someone loves you. Always.

I guess when I try to sum it up- don’t give up hope. Grasp for it, step out for it- but don’t give it up. It’s there for you. For me.

Man, I need to take my own poorly hashed advice.

But there it is. 🙂 I’ll be at the thrift store looking for lighter shirts. Because it ain’t all dark. As the wise foolish Poe Dameron once said, “as long as there is light, we still have a chance!”

life is a highway, Jo

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Letters Arranged Into Words Arranged Into Sentences Arranged Into Lines

 

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Or in other words, a post of poems. XD Hope you enjoy this drabble of words!

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Ice Cream

Too sweet

Tastes like summer and winter and spring all in one

Too cold

A heap of freshly fallen snow

Too soon

It gets smaller and smaller until

All gone

A cone to remember

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The Night I Was Gone

Gone, gone, gone, that’s what I was

Grab a bag and don’t look back

Just gone, gone, gone

Stuff’s in the truck

Truck’s filled up

Gone, gone, gone

By midnight

I’ve crossed state lines

The gas stations

Are little lights

Gone, gone, gone

Darkness was an old friend

I’d come back to visit

I could never leave for long

Gone, gone, gone

My phone’s dead

The radio’s playing

A song and I’m

Gone, gone, gone

Then the red light

My alarm rings

And gone is the night I was gone,

Gone, gone.

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Blue Eyes

We both knew you liked her

But never a word you said

You seemed to sink into her

Blue eyes

And everything left your head

That explains your face

hitting the door

of our Algebra 2 class

 

At lunch we sat together

Cause you were scared to go up

And tell her hi

You were okay

With catching her

Blue eyes

and smiling back

And I groaned behind my tea with ice

“stop being scared and just do it”

I told you every time

 

Like the good friend you are

You ignored me

Because blue and brown don’t match, you said

It was that way until at last, we graduated

And you looked into her

Blue eyes

For the last time

At least until

You somehow applied for the same job

And both got it

Don’t ask me how that happened

 

And now that this thing is over

I can finally crumple this poem

And say to all these people

who are laughing at your red face

And gazing at her

Blue eyes

None as much as you, duh

I crinkle my stone blind eyes

Feel for the microphone

“My ship has sailed at last.”

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Papers

I saw them

on the kitchen table

your coffee was there too

cold

black

boring

16 year olds shouldn’t drink coffee

 

But you wouldn’t listen

Because Mrs. Secil expected

Nothing but the best from you

at 8 am tomorrow

It’s 11 pm now

So you groaned from your rickety chair

picked up your pen

cold

black

boring

hunched over the kitchen table

I saw them

papers

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Another 

Another family

Another finally

Another forever

They were nice

They were kind

Just like the ones before them

She gripped her suitcase

And sighed

And smiled

She wouldn’t stay very long

It was just another another

 

But they were there

When the mares of the night

Came to steal her away

On another night

She held her screams

Shut her eyes

And faced it all alone

Until two pairs of arms

Wrapped around hers

And stayed

They were the first

Just like the first smile

The first laugh

The first cry

 

She didn’t know how

She didn’t know why

It took time

For her to see

First family

First finally

First forever

Not just another another

But she saw

Gripped her suitcase

And sighed

And smiled

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I really need to get back into writing real stuff soon.

Life is a highway,

Jo

 

The 23rd Of December… Make That 24th

Was it a bad idea that I ate two slices of ice cream cake at 12 AM? Probably.

Am I regretting anything yet? Nope.

Will I? Hope not.

Ahem.

It’s the 24th of December. In other words, Christmas Eve. In other words, release day of Christmas Chances. But before we get to the debut of the Audiosmiths I have to ramble for a few paragraphs. 🙂

*mentally screams* Where on earth did time go? I could’ve sworn I was just starting on WordPress and the great American eclipse was yesterday and we just discovered that Jules was Connie’s half sister and Mr. Parker’s VA sounds so different and Thor got his hair cut and that it was just yesterday, just yesterday when I saw my cousin for the first time in four years and honestly I have no clue how we sped up to now. To December. To Christmas.

But that Christmas spirit that’s supposed to have infected everyone’s hearts?

I guess it missed me. I don’t have it.

(Sorry to all you guys who don’t celebrate Christmas! 😦 This is a lame apology… but it can’t hurt to make it. I think.)

Anyhoo. Christmas spirit. Missed me. That’s where we were. It’s weird. For all my life, I remember being so excited and happy for Christmas, the gifts, the family, the something that just made the day special, the fact that though Jesus probably didn’t come on the 25th, He came and that excited me- Christmas was a big deal. It was the one time our family was a family. And by family I mean your third great grand cousin’s niece’s son’s aunt’s nephew on your grandfather’s mother’s brother’s side that comes over once a year and gives you carefully cooked pandesal. All the good things happened on Christmas, and it was just this wonderful thing.

Fast forward to now, and it feels like just another day to me. Advent’s special, but not special. That magical feeling when you hear a carol? Sure, I’ll get chills up my spine, but I get chills listening to an epic movie soundtrack. Reading the Christmas story? It’s more of a comfty familiar feeling than excited fangirl squealing. Gifts? Thoughts and kind words seem to really be more than enough.

Maybe it’s life. Maybe it’s that I’ve gotten a littler older and understood a tad bit more, and maybe it’s just daily life and I’m not as stoked about Christmas like when I was five. Maybe it’s all the crazy that’s come my way and I’m still figuring out what goes where. Maybe it’s missing people. Maybe it’s all the big fuss the stores and malls make about it. But whichever of these maybes it is, Christmas and I aren’t the tight compadres we once were.

Hey, maybe that’s okay.

Maybe you don’t have to have the excited, happy feelings on Christmas to celebrate Christmas in your heart. Maybe it’s like joy, where you don’t need to be happy all the time to have it.

I’m okay with that. More than okay.

Anyway, The Return Of The King is playing and I’m not missing that with my family, so I’ll leave you this awesome card:

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And give you the link to Christmas Chances! At last!

AH. AH. AH. AH. AH.

Makies is indeed a word, friends. Many thanks to Mya, Gracie, and Penny for helping spread the word.

Merry Christmas Eve!

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Here is a short Christmas story based on Just Come Home that I wrote by hand. By hand. BY HAND Y’ALL.  I just might put it up here. Maybe.

 

November Is Over

Mercy, dreadful apparition! Don’t you go spreading lies, it’s not December yet. New year’s Day was yesterday, you big scary ghost called Time!

Oh.

Heh. Yeah, sorry, I’ll just go take that back. My bad.

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Bokeh. Wow. So original .

 

 

Someone start telling time to slow down please. I can’t believe it’s already December. Also known as the last month of the year. The year’s almost over people. HOW.

I’ll be honest, November had its rough times, but it also had its good times. I guess that’s the way life works sometimes.

First of all, NaNoWriMo is over for the year. Say what!? But, yes, it’s indeed over. And I’m surprised. I have no clue how I wasn’t as stressed out and less writer’s blocked as in July, and still wrote 14 posts on here and 2 on Welcome to Odyssey (which I will return to rant abut stuff, don’t you worry about that 😉 ) and this wordcount was higher than my last one. I learned some things too. Like it’s better to set a daily wordcount and rest every day; switch spots, if you can, as often as possible so you don’t get bored; listen to the Captain America Winter Soldier soundtracks because they get your heart pumping; keep going; severely limit Pinterest to a half hour a week; and get equal amounts of sleep and caffeine; and that I give terrible advice.

That being said. Did I win?

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*starts to scream in 20 different languages* I can’t believe.

I hit my original goal of 30k without killing myself.

I’m still in semi shock, because, as you can see..

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I finished a day early. Which is insane. I mean it did cost me my sanity, my supply of dark chocolate, a test, and watching all of Home Improvement, but I did it!

I’m so, so grateful.

Plus, Just Come Home is well on its way to being finished. And I am excited/scared to edit it. So yeah, that’s been a huge highlight.

Let’s see, what else happened?

-Y’all, I was watching a Toy Story Christmas (Time Forgot Something) short and I died. The themes you guys, the themes, the plot, the characters!! LIKE THAT IS HOW YOU DO A STORY PEOPLE! And that’s only a short! So that was pretty inspiring, and I kinda wanna hike over to Pixar and ask if they need a vertically challenged intern.

-I wrote for my life and contemplated drinking coffee

-I re-read this awesome book and I’m dying, my childhood is gone

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-I WON NANOWRIMO AHHHHHHHH! And then I stayed up all night celebrating by reading books and taking late night pictures in manual. MANUAL.

-Now that it’s December, I had the crazy idea of a kind of advent calendar by covering 25 Christmas Carols and then posting them for you lovely people to hear how horrible I am. Thing is though, 1. is this a good idea, and 2. I know lots of us don’t celebrate Christmas for reasons that are really deep and good, so would you guys be okay with that?

-I may or may not have considered changing the URL of this blog. *gasps* I’d still keep the title, but maybe change the URL to drivingtheharddrive. But I’m too busy and tired and lazy to make a decision, because I like how things are now, and cause that makes me sound all brave and tough… and I’m not. XD

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-Spent late hours talking to awesome people and laughing my head off and whacking it on the couch

-Alpha read some amazing books and read some for review (which I promise will come out soon. Later. Eventually.)

-walked out in a 12 am snowfall when things weren’t too good and just felt better being in the cold

-waited in vain for the Avenger 4 trailer, and I’m starting to think it’ll never come out

-wrote cards and am about to mail ’em off to lovely people

-baked brownies when I was frustrated at life and somehow that helped

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Weird? yes. I’m not sure why I took this picture. XD

 

 

-listened to Adventures In Odyssey and have more headcanons than I have actual canon

-skated and had a blast

-somehow cleared up most of my homework

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-enjoyed writing on fancy stationary

-died in class (I fell asleep in both History and Science like once each)

-got used to mayo on ham and cheese sandwiches

-worked on secret project

-also at the same time practicing my voice 😛

-wrote fanfic! (not sharing. sorry. XD)

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-above is a picture of a stuffed penguin. I have no idea why he’s here or what for.

-basically, enjoyed November as much as I could!

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And amazingly, that’s not all that happened.

Last Saturday, (also known as the day before the wreck that is Black Friday shopping) I got a new charger, because my old one wasn’t working.

And a new laptop.

I got a new laptop.

That’s the part that makes me excited.

Apparently, I use my parents’ laptop too much, and they don’t want me breaking it any time soon. Not sure where they made the conclusion that I should have my own laptop, but they did and I’m so grateful. “It’s so you can develop your writing,” Mom told me. And this is from people who don’t read fiction.

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It’s already gotten me a tom of projects done, and it’s awesome.

And I think that’s the chunk of all that happened. 🙂

 

Playing Favorites (Cause Why Not)

And to end up this post, here’s a bunch of the things that kept me alive this past month. XD

Favorite Book

Beautiful Blue World by Suzanne LaFleur — Reviews, Discussion, Bookclubs, Lists

This. book. *dies* It’s so awesome, so sweet, and so sad!

And I got nothing else to say 😛

Favorite Song

I love Prince Of Egypt, and I will always, always love listening to this song.

Favorite Quote

One of my favorite musicians: Andrew Peterson. DeAnne, sometimes I wonder if we were twins some how separated at birth.

Andrew Peterson, to understate, is awesome.

What he says is awesome.

There ya go.

So until next time, people. 🙂 I’ll be seeing ya.

Why Taking Things For Granted Is A Sad, Sad Thing

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There was no water coming out of the already opened spout. I twisted the knobs back and forth for a good two minutes before I realized it was shut off.

To be fair, we did see it coming. We were aware that the water would be off for maintenance and would open sometime soon. Mom had gotten huge buckets full of hot water for the dishes, but it still was a bit of a shock.  Like how on earth was I supposed to wash the dishes without running water?

I tried dunking the dishes into a bucket full of water, squinting as the water hit my glasses. Could I survive for just a day without running, clean water? Uh, no.

We in North America have it pretty good. Food, homes, internet, there are so many things that are basic necessities that we know we can get anywhere. Water? Fountain. Internet? Library. Food? A dollar for a McMeal (or was it a coke..) So it’s hard to believe that in other countries, what we take for granted are luxuries. In many places, my plight of no running water to wash dishes would have been completely normal. And that’s gotta make you stop and think.

But usually, we don’t stop to appreciate what we have til we don’t have it anymore. And not just basic stuff, either. There are so many blessings we have but never acknowledge: grandparents, until they’ve passed on, friends, til they move away, hey, even washi tape, until it runs out!

I think it’s time we stopped taking things for granted. Because one day you’ll wake up and it’ll be gone. It took no running water to make me re-realize, but it’s taken a lot more for others. And to be honest, being grateful for the little things makes everything meaningful. (Plus, it’s Thanksgiving for you Americans so no better time to re-realize than now! Unless you’ve done it already. Good for you!) And trust me, we’ve all got things to be grateful for that are taken for granted instead. For me, it’s..

-my brother Joab, who somehow knows where every single thing I ask him for is. Usually all he gets is a muffled thank you, and I know he deserves more than that.

-the fact that I’m biking distance of two libraries, one that’s small and snug, and the other that’s giant and spectacular. I could get lost in either. And that I’ve got access to online books. Not every kid can.

-we’ve never missed a meal. Ever. From as far back as I can remember, there was never a night I had to sleep hungry, or woke up with literally nothing to eat. But a block or two away there’s a charity trying to help families who have to do that.

-that I’ve got a Bible I can read whenever I want. This is so importantly, and yet, as I’m typing this, it doesn’t seem like much. Which is bad because I know it’s the most important Book and the most important thing given to me. People have died and risked their lives to get Bibles, but all I had to do was pick mine out from a bookstore.

I’m not saying we’re bad for having these privileges. No, that we can forget they’re even privileges. That’s pretty bad. But if it takes me a water shut down, well, then, it’s for good.

Cause waiting to be thankful for something you don’t have anymore is one of the saddest things ever.

Now, I better go check if the water’s working again.

HARPs 6! My Favorite Things… To Do, That Is!

Hey y’all! It’s Jo, and I’m back for the 6th round of HARPs, hosted by Starling! Happy Monday to ya!

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Anyway, the topic is to list my favorite ___________ (fill in the blank)! So let’s start, with:

My Favorite Things To Do!

Designing Pins!

We Plant And We Water

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been ca

Ah, Pinterest. The ultimate place to dream about what you want to do, but never do. A place where you can search up great Bible verses and quotes like these! I’ve only got into designing things like these recently, and it’s been a fascinating hobby. Mostly though, I’ve just made Adventures In Odyssey quotes. XD

 

Knitting!

I may sound old before my time, but knitting is a fun hobby. Since I picked up the needles last year, I have been able to make a scarf, covers, a cute wittle little hat, mug sleeves, and these arm warmers! I was working on socks before I- uh- lost a needle.

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Making Music!

I love making music.

I should, I do play the violin, after all!

But it’s not just playing music, per say. It’s listening to music, and playing it, and creating it, you know? I also like writing songs. Maybe I’ll never publish, but it’s still something I enjoy doing.

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Gardening!

Well, I wouldn’t say I am a gardener.. my garden consists of old lettuce stumps and two bell pepper seeds. But I love digging in good ole dirt and watering and seeing life grow on my windowsill. So I’ll just say I have a micro garden and leave it at that.

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Hiking!

I’m the kind of person who always loves to take the road less taken. If I’ve never walked it, never been there, never have taken a picture of it with my camera, I want to be there. And I love long long hikes! Be it in spring, summer, or winter, I will nag and force everybody to hike with me.

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Reading!

I won’t deny it: I am a bookworm, in every sense of the word.

Since I was 5, I’ve loved books like Alice In Wonderland, Old Yeller, LOTR, Chronicles Of Narnia, The Mother- Daughter Book Club.  The list goes on and on anon…

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Taking Close-up Pictures!

Some might argue that taking closeups doesn’t make you a photographer. Well, I’ve always been fascinated by pictures that are so painstakingly detailed and small. It’s amazing to see how God has so precisely made little things like flowers.

And of course, it’s always fun to zoom in and catch the little details!

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Wait, that’s not a flower!

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Points Calculator!

  1.  (3 points per post related to the HARPs Contest) – 3 points!
  2.  (2 points per photo)- 20(2)= 40 points!
  3. Total: 43 points!

 

Come on Ladybugs! We can do it!

Thanks for reading, and log in next time for the second entry: My Favorite Books!