So Far…

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School’s been very mean to me. It drones on and on and on anon and then suddenly, “please prepare for a test on section 4A.” Woah, where did that one come from?

To be honest, I’ve paid way more attention to news on A4– Avengers 4, that is… and…

The.

Trailer.

Is.

Out.

Today.

People.

*mind explodes* I’ve been watching it for at least the sixth time today and I have too many theories that will probably kill me.

I’ve also been waiting for anything on Album 66: Trial By Fire and my head hurts with all the possibilities of 1. Skint kidnapping Buck, 2. Buck being adopted, 3. a literal fire. Also, we do need to ask the question WHEN WILL JILLIAN DIE?

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Life’s been hard. There’s been so much tension and tiredness and homework and questions and times when I need. to. get. out and anxiety about the future and frustration and perpetually gritted teeth and always having to push yourself harder and harder even when nobody could care less or has to and screaming and fighting and praying and dying and I just need some peace today and tomorrow and for every second Sunday in May and it’s so hard to believe God is good even when He is and we’re out of bread and I gotta finish and I can’t remember the dratted reference and I’m okay with giving up right now.

Don’t we all? Something tells me I’m not the only one who’s had one or all of the above and much worse. And then I gotta re-learn how to trust again. I gotta re-learn that God is good and He is love and He won’t leave when the guns growl, which is handy because right now I’m afraid I’m short of ammo. So if you want to swap prayer requests, let me know.

And nobody wants to admit that. Nobody wants to admit they’re a quitter. Everyone wants to be the tough hero who gets the job done no matter what the cost. I really want that. I want to prove ’em wrong and wrong and so wrong… even when they’re right.

I guess I’m learning that burden was never mine to carry. That it was God’s all along.

Maybe some things shouldn’t be posted. I know I hate that long post that just lines on about how hard and sad life is, yet here I am writing one just like that. Why am I doing this?

If reading this can help someone, anyone, then it’s worth writing this drek down.

So yeah, that’s where I’m at.

I’m staying up ridiculously late to reads books and waking up ridiculously early to write them. I’m skating backward and falling forward and laughing. And mailing a letter or two.

Oh, and I got up at the crack of dawn for a lousy rendition of We Three Kings, so if you’re interested in notsogood and notsobad music, here you go.

Been wandering around taking random pictures, snapped this lovely one (ha!) and I guess I’ll leave it here.

It’s not Instagram worthy.

It’s not Pinterest worthy.

Good grief that mirror isn’t even the cleanest!

Well, it’s life. The less people feel pressured to display a perfect life on the screen and actually live, the better. The far, far better. And I know I’ve been tempted to do that. To show this aesthetic rose tinted life that’s full of roses and daisies and is just so Chikfila sweet tea wonderful. But it’s not.

That doesn’t mean my life isn’t wonderful. Or that God isn’t working in it. Because He is. More glory to Him, and less to me. I’m 110% okay with that.

Until next time.

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November Is Over

Mercy, dreadful apparition! Don’t you go spreading lies, it’s not December yet. New year’s Day was yesterday, you big scary ghost called Time!

Oh.

Heh. Yeah, sorry, I’ll just go take that back. My bad.

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Bokeh. Wow. So original .

 

 

Someone start telling time to slow down please. I can’t believe it’s already December. Also known as the last month of the year. The year’s almost over people. HOW.

I’ll be honest, November had its rough times, but it also had its good times. I guess that’s the way life works sometimes.

First of all, NaNoWriMo is over for the year. Say what!? But, yes, it’s indeed over. And I’m surprised. I have no clue how I wasn’t as stressed out and less writer’s blocked as in July, and still wrote 14 posts on here and 2 on Welcome to Odyssey (which I will return to rant abut stuff, don’t you worry about that 😉 ) and this wordcount was higher than my last one. I learned some things too. Like it’s better to set a daily wordcount and rest every day; switch spots, if you can, as often as possible so you don’t get bored; listen to the Captain America Winter Soldier soundtracks because they get your heart pumping; keep going; severely limit Pinterest to a half hour a week; and get equal amounts of sleep and caffeine; and that I give terrible advice.

That being said. Did I win?

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*starts to scream in 20 different languages* I can’t believe.

I hit my original goal of 30k without killing myself.

I’m still in semi shock, because, as you can see..

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I finished a day early. Which is insane. I mean it did cost me my sanity, my supply of dark chocolate, a test, and watching all of Home Improvement, but I did it!

I’m so, so grateful.

Plus, Just Come Home is well on its way to being finished. And I am excited/scared to edit it. So yeah, that’s been a huge highlight.

Let’s see, what else happened?

-Y’all, I was watching a Toy Story Christmas (Time Forgot Something) short and I died. The themes you guys, the themes, the plot, the characters!! LIKE THAT IS HOW YOU DO A STORY PEOPLE! And that’s only a short! So that was pretty inspiring, and I kinda wanna hike over to Pixar and ask if they need a vertically challenged intern.

-I wrote for my life and contemplated drinking coffee

-I re-read this awesome book and I’m dying, my childhood is gone

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-I WON NANOWRIMO AHHHHHHHH! And then I stayed up all night celebrating by reading books and taking late night pictures in manual. MANUAL.

-Now that it’s December, I had the crazy idea of a kind of advent calendar by covering 25 Christmas Carols and then posting them for you lovely people to hear how horrible I am. Thing is though, 1. is this a good idea, and 2. I know lots of us don’t celebrate Christmas for reasons that are really deep and good, so would you guys be okay with that?

-I may or may not have considered changing the URL of this blog. *gasps* I’d still keep the title, but maybe change the URL to drivingtheharddrive. But I’m too busy and tired and lazy to make a decision, because I like how things are now, and cause that makes me sound all brave and tough… and I’m not. XD

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-Spent late hours talking to awesome people and laughing my head off and whacking it on the couch

-Alpha read some amazing books and read some for review (which I promise will come out soon. Later. Eventually.)

-walked out in a 12 am snowfall when things weren’t too good and just felt better being in the cold

-waited in vain for the Avenger 4 trailer, and I’m starting to think it’ll never come out

-wrote cards and am about to mail ’em off to lovely people

-baked brownies when I was frustrated at life and somehow that helped

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Weird? yes. I’m not sure why I took this picture. XD

 

 

-listened to Adventures In Odyssey and have more headcanons than I have actual canon

-skated and had a blast

-somehow cleared up most of my homework

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-enjoyed writing on fancy stationary

-died in class (I fell asleep in both History and Science like once each)

-got used to mayo on ham and cheese sandwiches

-worked on secret project

-also at the same time practicing my voice 😛

-wrote fanfic! (not sharing. sorry. XD)

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-above is a picture of a stuffed penguin. I have no idea why he’s here or what for.

-basically, enjoyed November as much as I could!

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And amazingly, that’s not all that happened.

Last Saturday, (also known as the day before the wreck that is Black Friday shopping) I got a new charger, because my old one wasn’t working.

And a new laptop.

I got a new laptop.

That’s the part that makes me excited.

Apparently, I use my parents’ laptop too much, and they don’t want me breaking it any time soon. Not sure where they made the conclusion that I should have my own laptop, but they did and I’m so grateful. “It’s so you can develop your writing,” Mom told me. And this is from people who don’t read fiction.

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It’s already gotten me a tom of projects done, and it’s awesome.

And I think that’s the chunk of all that happened. 🙂

 

Playing Favorites (Cause Why Not)

And to end up this post, here’s a bunch of the things that kept me alive this past month. XD

Favorite Book

Beautiful Blue World by Suzanne LaFleur — Reviews, Discussion, Bookclubs, Lists

This. book. *dies* It’s so awesome, so sweet, and so sad!

And I got nothing else to say 😛

Favorite Song

I love Prince Of Egypt, and I will always, always love listening to this song.

Favorite Quote

One of my favorite musicians: Andrew Peterson. DeAnne, sometimes I wonder if we were twins some how separated at birth.

Andrew Peterson, to understate, is awesome.

What he says is awesome.

There ya go.

So until next time, people. 🙂 I’ll be seeing ya.

When Swarmed By Homework, Follow Me (Ha!)

 

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Hello.

So I have no clue why I’m writing this post right now. But oh well. Call this randomness at its finest, cause I have no explanation for whatever you’ll read next. Or do I? 😈

Also, happy almost Thanksgiving! Hope you’re all enjoying a well deserved break, cause I am.. not.

Instead I got a ton of homework to finish last night. Yay. And me, being the weird person I am, thought it would be fun to stay up late and finish a chapter or two of work. Taking it even further, I thought you might like to read my somewhat sensical notes. Somewhat.

And pictures. I took pictures.

(You know what, I really have lost my mind.) So here you have it, me at 11 pm, doing homework. I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: DO NOT TRY THIS. AT ALL. YOU’LL DIE. ☠️

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11:36 PM: In light of the fact that I have like 130 pages of homework to finish, this is a futile attempt to try to knock out a great deal of homework. I shall endeavor to stay up til one am.

Don’t worry, it’ll be great! I’ve made tea, my MP3 is charging, I’ve cleaned my desk. I have to pull all-nighters anyway, why not make it fun? 

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Am I gonna regret this? Yes!

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Am I gonna enjoy myself? Here’s hoping.

11:44 PM: Math sounds like fun. Why don’t we try that and listen to some epic music? 

*searches for good music* 

AHA. How about some AIO? 

I seem to be making one crazy choice after another. 😂

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12:13 AM: This math problem makes zero sense. Like this whole thing. Eh.

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What I read in between math. This book is seriously good…

12:19 AM: Math is boring. I finished a lesson. Moving on.

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12:35 AM: Climax? Crisis? Inciting Incident? Okay, I get this stuff? Now we’re getting somewhere fun!

What’s with all the papers. Wah. 😑

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12:50 AM: Ahh, red ink’s so hard to wash off, argh!

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Behold, I did it! Actually, no, I just didn’t change my watch back after Daylight Saving Time.. XD

12:56 AM: 2 chapters done, not shabby! 

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1:00 AM: Okay, I finished an entire unit. I’m done, goodnight!

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12:13 PM: That was fun, I should try that again.

(*cough cough* Um, please don’t try this without permission and/or counselling, believe it or not, I got both!) Okay, I know pulling all-nighters is a bad idea, very bad. But if you ever were a student at one point in life (as I’m sure we all are/were) it’s necessary. So I figured why not try to make it enjoyable? 😛 That seems to be my default for a lot of things: if you can’t escape doing it, at least have fun while you’re at it.

It’s bound to fail me at some point in life.

But hey, it got me to finish a math lesson and a whole Lit unit. So I’d say I didn’t die in vain.

Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s more homework to be done. Seeya!

*sneakily listens to AIO while figuring out how to measure the long side of a triangle*

*grabs a ruler*

Being Down and Getting Up

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Did I just make two references? Yes. Oh well. 

Ever get those days when you’re just down, you’re tired of everything and algebra has never made less sense than it does right now? Everything hurts, your head is ringing and plus you don’t have enthusiasm to do….anything?

Yeah, you get where I’m going. I wasn’t very eager to do much today. (Blame the fever!! :P) Which is kinda annoying, because I have too much homework to afford being sick, and sad, because I don’t like being weak. I don’t like being that person curled up on the sofa not having the strength to move anything. I like pushing myself to doing hard things and crushing them. 

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But you can’t push yourself forever. And that can be very discouraging as you waddle up in a blanket of tiredness and prop yourself up on a pillow of discouragement.

 (Huh. That last line sounds very poetic. I’ma have to save that for a sappy essay in Literature soon.)

You also can’t let your tiredness bring you down either. And that can drive a person crazy. Unless they’re already crazy. So finding that balance between driving it hard and just giving up is tricky.

No, I’m not helping you find that balance. I don’t even know where I can find it. But I can give you little things to keep going. Little bursts to crack a smile on your face, tiny reminders that yes, the sun will shine again. 

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First, go and eat something. An extra burst of protein or sugar (never mind, just sugar) can boost you up. It’s like that ad, you’re not you when you’re hungry. XD

Second, take a look out the window. Maybe it’s snowing like it is right now, or maybe there’s raindrops hitting the glass. Maybe the sun’s coming up. Even better, get out and enjoy it for a while. A breath of fresh air can really help. 

Listen to things that make you happy. I dunno about you, but some songs that come up on shuffle just make me wanna dance, and sometimes, that’s not a bad thing. 😉 Play your favorite song on guitar, fiddle up something, create a beautiful sound. 

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Look at that big nasty list of things that need to be done. When all’s said and done, it’s just a list. It doesn’t define you. Yes, you have a test tomorrow, so do I, and yes, it would be more productive to finish a chore than read that book, but if you’ve been seeing nothing but work and it’s getting to you, don’t be afraid to switch things up a little. Tell you what. You reward yourself after finishing a bunch of tasks, I’ll do the same, and we’ll see how far we can go without dying. 

Go bake a pie, jog a mile, write something, listen to an episode *screams Adventures In Odyssey*, call a friend, read a book, take your day back. Being down is, well, a downer, 😛 but if you can get up again, go for it!

A good friend of mine (who, if you’re reading this, which you aren’t, know that you were thought of!) once said something that may or may not help. He asked me if I’m waking up every day for myself or for something- somebody other than myself.

Ouch.

And, like my good friend, I won’t say anything further. Unlike my good friend, I don’t have anything better to add.

 You got this. You can get back up.