Surprised to see a title like that from a blog like this?
Me too, to be honest. Me too.
In all honesty, the idea of talking about a film series I haven’t watched in ages never crossed my mind until a few days ago, when Enni and I thought it be a good idea for a collab.
Speaking of Enni, if you haven’t followed her blog yet or at least checked it out WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE go, go, go! Enni’s one of my first and craziest blogger friends that I have ever had the privilege of knowing, and her take on everything is pure and simple INTP. Go on and ask her about MBTI- I personally guarantee she won’t stop talking. As far as personalities go, Enni is an old, good, crazy soul.
Who’s probably waiting for this post right now. Heh. hehe. hehe.
Pirates Of The Caribbean. Pirates. Fights. Swords. Rum. An unhealthy amount of rum. Strange sea-monsters. Epic music. These are probably what comes to mind when thinking of one of the biggest pirates movies/stories around.
It’s not really one with the best morals, either, y’know? I mean, there’s pirates. What more evidence do you need? It’s no Sherwood film, and to be honest, it’s probably on the same level as Guardians of the Galaxy. Entertaining, but more entertaining than wholesome.
So why am I writing a post about?
More importantly, why do I like it?
Well, I’m a writer. And this is like one of my favorite case studies: characters, plot, setting, SHIPS *hollers* villians, the whole bit. But the entire story in general has it’s good parts. And it has it’s hilarious parts. And the thing is, Jack- er, Captain Jack isn’t completely shallow. I mean he is, but..
I really took a hundred + words to say nothing? Wow. 😛 Ahem. Let’s go before I walk the plank. Enni had the first five rules or whatever they may be called, and I have the last ten.
(Also- psst: look carefully- this post has an Easter egg for what’s next in our POTC duology 😉 )
6. After anything offensive you might’ve said, always tack on a “savvy”.
Extremely important, mates! With the tacking on of savvy, one needn’t fear of looking like an awkward land-lubbering greenhorn. When saying the word savvy, open your jaw and let your tongue flap, it works much better that way. Tilt your head in the most smuggest position you can think of and flash your gold teeth as you do so.
This goes well in hand with, “did you see that? because I will NOT be doing it again” and I suggest practicing as often as possible to ensure a truly Captain Jack Sparrow flair. Because if you’re like me, which you are not, then you may want to find yourself saying savvy after every sentence, just in case you don’t want a sword in your face or say, having to walk the plank. It turns out to be quite useful at times.
7. Do your best to look suspiciously at any and all monkeys.
Don’t forget to hiss words like, “ooh, monkey” and “beast” as you flap your hand at a thieving little rasca- mammal with a handy tail. And make sure you squint especially hard at that monkey- for all we know, that sneak could’ve been related to that same one in Night At The Museum.. we’ll never know. *mysterious look* Obviously, this means you must hate all monkeys, whether they’re shrunk up in bottles or snatching your jewelry. And look for a monkey if in desire to shoot something.
8. When in doubt run- preferably with your arms flailing and screaming never hurt.
Oops, wrong one.
Now, I honestly don’t think you’ll be stuck on an island full of cannibals trying to cook you for supper, but if that or something pretty equivalent to that befalls you (say, it’s your turn in the church nursery or perhaps you’re pulling up to your annual family reunion or you’ve accidentally taken an important locket or you’re playing a highly crazy game of tag) then, follow the captain and RUN FOR YOUR LIFEEEEEEE!!
It’s simple really. Move your feet really fast, lift your arms and wave them wildly, and scream like there’s no tomorrow! 😀 It takes a moment of extreme panic- which will come eventually!
9. Whenever you find large jars of dirt, raise them up in triumph and loudly proclaim, “I’ve got a jar of dirt!”
Yeah, you have NO idea how important this one is! I mean, you could be holding one of the Avengers, mate, so lift that jar high and proud as you dash past some very confused mates and confuse the enemy.
Just don’t drop it, of course, because you can’t vacuum a boat!
And yes I just mentioned another fandom. >:)
10. If a plan sounds mad and there’s an 80% chance you’re gonna die- DO IT.
And this, of course, is the epitome of Jack Sparrow- doing everything that’s dangerous and risky and plain out DEATH INDUCING and somehow surviving anyway.
It’s best, of course, to be confident about it. Say something insightful and confusing, like, “the problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.” And then solve the problem! 😀
Some good examples of mad, 80% risk of death plans include but are not limited to: doing all your homework on the last day, jumping off a cliff into water, saying hi in a different language to someone you’ve never met, figuring out if it’s yanny or laurel, writing 18k on the last day of NaNo, sneaking aboard a donut ship, solving riddles with a mangy ring loving bony raw fish eater, and going for the head.
If you follow these ten tips carefully, you should be on your way to being a great Captain Jack Sparrow! Just don’t drink rum- it ain’t good fer ya. Oh, and 11. Spout advice when you have it. Example: